Wednesday, May 4, 2011

WWH~~ Wake'N'Bake 101: The Cure

May, if you haven't heard is National Masturbation Month. No, really, said Tom dryly. It is my firm conviction that, if it were possible to train ALL male children to auto-fellate, from birth, there would be world peace in a generation, as men would no longer have any reason to leave the house.

In reply to an un-linked 'quote' in a post by a 'friend' today about male circumcision (and which evidently was part of another, on-going conversation to which I did not link:
‎"00.03% of adult men willfully choose to be circumcised; no WONDER we do it to babies! Because we know they would NEVER choose that for themselves." Thank you for pointing this out, Bryan Rice. This is an income stream that would virtually dry up if neonatal genital alterations were NOT performed. 3 in 1000 men is not enough to financially support the circumcision doctors.
The number of uncircumcised (white) men in my demographic is miniscule. Cutting is so common that seeing an "undocked" penis, for guys my age, is likely to evoke the recollection of the first one you EVER noticed (swimming pool dressing-room at the Lakewood, Oh, YMCA, in mebbe 1956, iirc).

The history of the conquest of American manhood by surgical disfigurement is of course but one chapter in a long and painful struggle. The first records of the practice are from the Pharaonic era, 4500 years ago in Egypt, with a frieze depicting the (forcible) circumcision of a (physically restrained) young Ruler. I DON'T think this chould be taken to mean the practice was wide-spread; instead it argues, to me, that it was an identifying/distinguishing mark of the royal caste.

Christian cults make an incredibly big deal about masturbation, or as they sometimes call it, "the Sin of Onan" (no, not the tractor/generator company; they merged with ... wait for it ... No, really: Cummins Diesel; you CANNOT make this shit up!). Circumcision has for a long time been regarded as a cure for it, on the theory that it desensitizes the glans.

As early a 1842, a French surgeon named Claude-Fran├žois Lallemand completed Les Pertes seminales involontaires (Involuntary seminal losses), promoting a theory of "spermatorrhoea" - the view that almost any discharge from the penis caused disease. Lallemand, one of those piously sadistic reformers one finds so frequently among the 'righteous,' promoted acupuncture (with large needles pushed into the prostate), catheters, cauterisation and circumcision as "cures" - all done as painfully as possible. His views are apparently still very influential in some circles.

Circumcision became wide-spread among Gentiles in the USofA in the mid-late 19th Century when religious fucknozzles insisted on it, because they said it would impede young men's interest in masturbation. (Speaking only for myself: it didn't work...) The whole idea of male circumcision in America is another of the indubitable, but unheralded impositions of religious orthodoxy on the (often willfully) ignorant; it's the result of religious quackery which sought to make a man's first experience with his genitalia as painful as possible.

In 1870, a Dr. Lewis A. Sayre announced to the AMA that circumcision cures paralysis, epilepsy and masturbation, setting off the medical craze for "therapeutic" circumcision. His "circumcision" is, however, conservative, preserving as much tissue as possible. "Mutilation" was to be avoided. Then in 1877, John Harvey Kellogg MD (1852-1943) published the first edition of "Plain facts for old and young: embracing the natural history and hygiene of organic life", in which child (but not infant) circumcision is promoted to "cure" masturbation. This "cure" was given extra emphasis when, in 1881, Charles Guiteau shoots and kills President James A. Garfield, and phimosis and smegma buildup under his foreskin were blamed for his homicidal mental state.

But phimosis and excessive smegma build-up were only tow of the things that were associated with the curative powers of male circumcision. Others included:
"To prevent or cure alcoholism, arthritic hips, asthma, balanitis, blindness, boils, cervical cancer, chicken pox, epididymitis, epilepsy, gallstones, gout, headaches, hernia, HIV, hydrocephaly, hydrocoele, hypertension, insanity, kidney disease, kleptomaina, leprosy, moral depravity, paraphimosis, penile cancer, plague, phimosis, posthitis, prostate cancer, rectal prolapse, rheumatism, schistosoma, spinal curvature, stomach infection, tuberculosis, urinary tract infections and/or yeast infections."
Funny, innit that it turns out, after all this time, regular/frequent masturbation is a mild prophyllactic against prostate cancer: An ejaculation a day keeps the cancer at bay!

SO wack-'em if ya gott'em...

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